We Want Our Brother Back

At the Mac House and one of my favorite pictures.
These two boys have made TyTy and their parents so very proud.


The day of Tyler's admit to the hospital for his transplant. Now... I wonder if we should of chosen not to do transplant.
This day Tyler went for his chemo and transplant, and the boys went to school
Dr. O said they could hold Tyler for the first time after his transplant.
They were so excited when she said they could.
The first day we were home from the hospital and Mac house after his transplant




The boys have been having a hard time, so I gave them both notebooks, and told them to write whatever they wanted, and not to worry about anyone looking at what they were thinking or writing. It was our secret. Last night they both came to me with the notebooks full. I asked what they wanted me to do with them. They asked me to read them. So today I read through the notebooks, there were some drawings to TyTy, some of video games, and then their writings had me crying all day today. It was a time that as a mother, I didn't know whether to crumble in pain, or be so proud of my boys for their courage, and love and hurt for their brother. So I sat down and wrote this poem from the journal entries they had written. Every thing in this poem is from their words, I just made them rhyme. I asked the boys if it was okay to write this, and then post it. They liked it and said I could. So with their permission I took their words and made them rhyme. Everything in this poem is from them and their heart. I'm proud of all three of my boys for the love they gave each other. Again, this is the greatest hurt. Not one of my children hurt, all three of them do. I wrote this, and as I read through this I'm so proud of how they loved each other, and no matter where they are, or how far apart they are, they will always be brothers. Dylan's memory will go up on Monday. He was having some trouble today, so I said he could have some time to think on it.


We Want Our Brother Back

We want TyTy back
we're mad god took him away
I only have one brother now
I want TyTy here to play

TyTy wasn't bad mommy
why did god make him give in
I had nightmares about devils
TyTy was good is TyTy in heaven?

We're tired and can't sleep
missing TyTy gives us hurt
the only time we can talk to him
is in the cold through dirt

We're mad at the doctors
they made me better but not TyTy
they made us lose our baby brother
they didn't fix him so he wouldn't die

He wont get to play in the pool
or see chicken little next Tuesday
when we play outside this summer
he wont be in the window looking at us play

Mommy and daddy said he would get better
we had to stay at grandma's and we would see
but now all we see is them crying all night
and now they just say lies to me

They say it will get better
we will find our way again
they say you are looking at us
from up in heaven

They tell us you are okay
they say they want you in no pain
but then when I sneak upstairs at night
mommy is crying in the same pain

They hold it in around us
they try to pretend they are strong
they dont see us looking
we know what they are saying is wrong

They dont feel better now
even if you have no pain in heaven
they want you here like us
they get mad at god for the pain they are in

Mommy says she made wrong choices
daddy says he was not home enough
Dylan says he should be the one in heaven
and I just try to stay tough

Dylan and I sit up all night
play video games like we used to
sometimes it is weird to look beside me
and not see you

We dont want to go to school
Brandon gets mad so easy
I think he feels left out
he was the only one healthy

TyTy I tried to ask god
if you could live and I would go
he never answered me back and when I asked why
daddy just hung his head low

Sometimes I want to go to heaven
so I can be with you
mommy says you want me here
I tell her that's not true

She tells me all this stuff
I know she dont believe her own word
I know she is trying to make me not hurt
so I pretend like she has been heard

We all hurt TyTy really bad
I dont think any of us know what to do
I wish we could go back in time
so we could still have you

All I have is Brandon
he's not a fun brother like you
all he wants to do is follow me around
at least I could run from you

I hate stupid doctors
mommy says I can't be mad they tried
I wonder if she believes that too
all them nights she has cried

Daddy yells alot now TyTy
he isn't the same
I never seen daddy cry
but now he does when he hears your name

We want you back TyTy
maybe if I make a wish it will come true
I will throw my quarter for gum in the fountain
and we will see god give us back you

Mommy and Daddy are mad about our grades
they say we need to do more work at school
we need to stop acting out
and follow more rule

It's hard with everything a mess
we want to play all day
helps us forget the pain
we all live with every day

TyTy is there really heaven?
I wish you could answer me
I want to know if mommy and daddy are right
and you can still play and see me

You were special TyTy
you were like no other
we are mad because we want back
our little brother

Our family is falling to pieces
Mommy says I'm the glue
but I don't think there is any fix to the family
when the biggest piece was you