Postcard To Heaven

Postcard to Heaven

A weekend in bed
filled with thoughts of you
the breath was taken from me
tears soaked their way through

All the choices we made
one change and you could be here
I could still see your smile
not your image in my shed tear

The pain only worsens by day
no matter the coping methods I try
the last two years of your pain haunt me
your blue lips and last breaths fill my eye

I guess the words are the same
but so is the undying pain
every step I take without you
leaves a cold and empty stain

I think I'm losing my mind TyTy
your dad came in the other day
I asked him to do your CVN
so I could catch up on sleep that day

He looked at me for awhile
then came to me with an embrace
only then did I realize
the tears running down my face

I did the dishes one day
your brothers were fighting, what's new
I spoke out loud "they are crazy aren't they TyTy"
I turned around to a high chair but no you

I've canceled three engagements
made a promise then was a no show
usually I feel bad or call and check in
I didn't care if I let them know

I curled up in bed this weekend
I held on to your huge winnie the pooh
the one you hugged on your last christmas
you seen it once before heaven took you

Brandon told me his heart hurt
and I think I told him a lie
I didn't mean to say it
but I hated to see him cry

I told him his broken heart was like an owie
it hurts real bad now but in time it will heal
And as he grows up it will only be a scar
it will only be the memories that he will feel

It seemed to help him that day
I don't think my lie will stand the test of time
I'm tired of watching all my boys hurt
and all I can do is sit here and rhyme

TyTy there is such a huge hole without you
I sit and will for you to reappear
but I know all I have left is your things
and our unrelenting tear

The words that used to help
no longer do
nothing is helping this pain
we carry without you

I can't think or sit still
all I want is to hold you
I beg for one last chance
to feel the life of you

We try to think of you in no pain
that's what we wanted all along
but we thought it meant alive and well
healthy and living strong

No child should die
to find peace or stop the pain they're in
God should have a healing touch
if he is so mighty in heaven

My words are redundant
I'm sure all who read do see
the words may repeat themselves
but the pain wont leave so easily

I go over and over in my head
every inch and curve in your body
Your rough little feet and chubby finger
the tiny little butt that used to amuse me

I can still see your big eyes
looking up over your bottle at me
fingers tangled in a blanket
knowing my lap is where you wanted to be

I'm trying TyTy
but I just can't move on
the pain is too heavy to walk with
and my steps just can't carry on

My tears fall endlessly
your name is on every one
I should be rocking you to sleep
or better yet you keeping me on the run

Every child of two
and they are everywhere
reminds me of all you could be
there is pain in my caught stare

i can't write anymore
tears are clouding my eye
life is so miserable without you
i miss you so much tyty

one more thing I'm sure you know
Kyle has joined the heavens too
show him the ropes my sweet angel
give any strength you can to his family too

i love you tyty
straighten your angel wing
i will live this life of misery
if peace and no pain for you it will bring