I want my dance back

Just a post to blow off steam about the loss of tyty and drew. i can't bring myself to think enough to write and sadly its too much work today to do a memory. i know that sounds awful. i'm just feeling sorry for myself today. tyty and drew are in every move or thought i make or have. i miss you tyty. this house just isn't the same without you. never will be. never will be.

Could I have this dance~~Anne Murray
here i sit listening to the song that seems to have brought meaning to me right now. its how i feel right now. i danced to this song with joe last night (a very close friend) and as i downloaded it and listened. i know what she is saying now. yesterday when i was laying on his shoulder and i could just feel his breath on me. just the feeling of knowing there was something good at the moment going on, but when the dance was over it was a let down. the music stops you let go, and the pain is still swarming around you like a funnel cloud. losing what i have you never fully enjoy anything anymore. so when she says can i have this dance for the rest of my life. she is saying can i have this feeling of having something in my life forever, can i feel this warm and loved forever, can i have some feelings other than pain forever. basically give me the happiness i feel in this dance forever.
i wake up and all i see is another day full of pain. i dont look forward to anything. i dont enjoy anything. i can't bring myself to share anything with anybody. i dont want to go outside but i cant stand being inside. i'm bored but i dont want to commit to anything to do.i'm lost. so lost. everyone is on my butt move on, you have to get out and live, you arent a mother, you dont clean, you dont try, blah blah. ya know i dont and i know it but it doesnt change the fact i still dont and cant bring myself to do it.
today i dont even know if i miss them as much as i just know they aren't here and i'm not worth anything without them. numb maybe. i just sit here moping. i cant believe life has become this. what is there to look forward to when you find no joy in anything anymore. yeah i laugh, i cry, i feel, i get some amusement from tv but it never last past the last laugh.
drew and tyty were my dance.
the dance ends quickly and i stand alone on the dance floor
i wish that dance could of lasted forever