Our Littlest Angel~~ TyTy Xmas 2005

Our Littlest Angel.

There are three post. One for each Christmas he got to celebrate. There are loads of pictures, two poems, and memories written. Words can't express the pain we feel right now, but I think his pictures say enough. We miss you TyTy. *Tears* We love you TyTy *TEARS*




You and Grandpa had a good time that day. Some of my favorite pictures are the ones of you and Grandpa in your santa hats. Every time I see an elf hat I cry. I almost bought one to put on your stone but then I didn't...

With your Antibiotics in tow we took as many pictures as we could that day. I think we all knew...

*TEARS* My TyTy...
You and Grandpa being silly. These are some of my favorite pictures too.
*tears* This is my favorite picture. Although you aren't smiling in it. It's one of my favorites of you and nammy together.
The last pictures of you three together. *tears*

Sometimes there are just no words...

My last picture with you. I love you TyTy
I like this picture. *tears*
It was you, your brothers, and I. We put on The Grinch soundtrack and I cooked and you and your brothers acted like you were playing instruments. You look so happy... You had the drums. I cook in the same kitchen and I always look over to see if you are on the table. It's always empty...
Mommy even cooked that night. You didn't feel much like eating but loved watching us.
Opening your present from Dylan and Brandon. One of the hardest things to do was shop and wrap for the boys and not have to do that for you. It deepends the hole TyTy. I love you
This was a present from the boys. It is a white kitten which Dylan has always wanted. You loved this doll so much. As soon as you opened it you hugged it. (and I got it on film)

Look at you go! We miss you TyTy
You really got into unwrapping the presents. For how sick you were TyTy you showed us your spirit once again by putting that aside and enjoying Christmas. My precious angel...
You loved this toy. You and Dylan played with this the whole night, and to this day this toy sits in the living room right next to your memory wagon. Most times the boys play with it, and many times it will just start playing music without anyone touching it. The boys are convinced it is you. They even ask you to stop playing it when it wont stop. It's been hard on Dylan this Christmas. He doesn't want to celebrate it without you.




This was your santa present and the only time you got to sit in this. We still have all your unopened presents in the closet. We can't bear to give them away but we aren't sure what to do with them.
You spiked later this day. (Christmas) Dr. Goldman told us to take our time. We all knew this was the last time you would be at home again. Nammy held you while we packed to go to Iowa City. It was the last time we were all together at home, and only the third time we had been home for more than one day in over four months. I treasure the time we had at home on Christmas Eve. Seeing your blanket makes me miss you. I miss washing it.
This was Dec 23. The Pa and Docs worked so hard to get us home for Christmas, only for you to spike and we land in the hospital again. We went home on three IV antibiotics but we kept up with them and it was worth it, even if it was only for a day and a half. This tree is up at your stone. We redecorated it with some of the same ornaments and added a few more. Your stocking is up there too TyTy. Brandon has put a lot up there but one thing he put up there is a bell because he wants you to get your wings when it rings.

The tree and the angel (from one of our favorite NA's Rebecca) are both at your stone.

Our Littlest Angel

Merry Christmas from heaven
mommy and daddy I'm here
There was a long line of babies
but we've all completed our first year

I can see you down there
I watch Dylan and Brandon play
sometimes I can sit on my cloud
and watch them all day

I've seen you too mommy and daddy
I know you have been crying for me
I try really hard to hold my hand out to you
but I don't think you see me

I can see the lights on the trees
I know it is Christmas time again
I can see you trying to be strong mommy
but I know you're holding the pain in

I know you feel like I'm gone mommy
but I'm really not that far away
I walk with you inside your heart
I'm close to you every day

We celebrate in heaven too
the stars get brighter in December
you used to always say I was your star
Remember?

Daddy I can see you
there's still reason to believe
I will wait for you daddy
but it's not your time to leave

I talk to you a lot daddy
I don't know if you hear
I just want to tell you I don't hurt
and I think I'm supposed to be here

Dylan the oceans are big
and that's a wish on a star for you
I'm gonna hang around up here and wait
for the day your foot touches the ocean blue

Tell Brandon I got my wings
thank you for ringing the bell
I had them before he rang it
but mommy please don't tell

I can see bubbas miss me
I follow them too
Dylan and Brandon you got the playstation
*giggle* Sorry mommy and daddy I'm a brother too

I'm giggling mommy and daddy
can you hear?
I know you've missed it
since I've been gone this year

I know it seems like I'm far away mommy and daddy
but look up, I finally made it here
It's okay to hurt mommy and daddy
it's okay to cry some tears

I better go mommy and daddy
Michael wants to play cars with me
he always tells me what to do
who said angels weren't bossy

Merry Christmas mommy and daddy
Dylan and Brandon too
I'm gonna be with you the whole time
I'm the spirit inside of all of you

I know I'm not there for you to see
and I know you want me to be
But I promise I'll never make you walk alone
do you believe me mommy and daddy?

Christmas is coming mommy and daddy
make sure you smile for Dylan and Brandon
every time they smile my tummy gets warm
don't ask me why but it's how it works in heaven

On this Christmas Eve mommy and daddy
when you take a look at the lighted tree
Know that when the angel comes to bless you
This year the Christmas angel will be me