Memories

I love this picture of you TyTy.
The tongue thing TyTy lol You were soooo cute
The rock nammy got you to put on your stone. It has five stars and says twinkle twinkle little star and also a granparents love on the back. it is soo beautiful. And of course the angel daddy Bob painted is up there too. He did such a good job. Very beautiful angel.
A picture of your stone right now. I hope it looks good for you TyTy. You deserve only the best.



I want to take my time and explain this poem, but first I want to thank everyone again for the outpouring of emails and cards. I do need to sit down and reply, but I have found myself having trouble doing it. BUT I will.
This poem is as truthful as I can get. I think if you ask any parent who has lost a child the biggest hurt and fear after losing a child is that they will be forgotten. So then as parents we depend on memories. Memories that we hold of our child and memories others hold of our child, but at the same time those memories can hurt to the deepest pore of your skin because that is what makes us miss them. Memories can cripple you daily, but it is such a hard balance because you don't want to forget them but the memories make you see how special and beautiful, and precious they were and it makes it hurt that they can't be here to make more. Memories are all we have but sometimes the memories of them make us miss our child so much it hurts physically to try and breathe. And this is what this poem is about. Memories. The memories we never want to forget or want anyone else to forget, but the same memories that hurt because it makes us long for our child.


memories

i'm angry at the world
but it's not to blame
furious with my mistakes
i'm covered in shame

i'm hurt at the sound
of your name said
your visions crowd me
when i lay my head

your smile is tattooed
in the dreams i walk in daily
your giggle pushes every tear
that falls out of me

your spirit talks to me
your voice pushes every ache
i try to force the pieces back together
but my heart wants to break

your blue eyes light the day
darkness always seems to fall
it's easier to lay down in darkness
and let the minutes stall

the memory of your touch
weakens my knees
making them easy perches
for god to hear my desperate pleas

your memories are branded
in our heart you will always live on
memories are what makes it hurt so damn bad
when reality reminds us you're gone