pain beyond words

pain beyond words

i can't do it anymore
i can't pretend i'm okay
someone has to fix this
take the pain away

i'm tired of pretending life is fulfilled
i'm tired of saying it was for a reason
i'm sick of the advice to move on
they don't know the pain we're in

prayer didn't help
or you would still be here
i prayed so many damn nights
all it brought me were these grieving tear

i have no baby to hold onto
no baby to try and take care of
how do i tell your brothers
that a picture is all they have to love

how can i tell them
that their wish wont come true
when they tell the teacher they want their brother
they still wont get back to you

how do i walk on in life
with heartbreak that cripples me
regrets that haunt me
and fear that is slowly killing me

how do i look at your face
of course only in picture to my eye
how do i look at that smile and know you're gone
and not want to just curl up and die

we fought so hard for you
from conception to your death day
how does a sweet little boy lose his chance
to live life and love every minute of it along the way

there's a god?
really? prove it to me
prove it to tyty
when he's in the ground lonely

life may go on tyty
the sun will rise unfortunately i know
but there will never be joy in this heart
and this head of mine will always hang low

people say oh life goes on
fight to stay afloat and fight on
spoken with hearts that have never been hurt
who have never lived without a child gone

i know they are trying to help
yes yes i know
but the anger doesn't change
and the pain only will grow

i reach out my hand
i reach so far for you
but you're gone tyty
denial hasn't gotten me through

i'm like your brothers
right now i'm mad you had to die
mad at the doctors the pa
the world and of course me myself and i

i'll probably regret all i write tonight
what else is new
who really cares
nothin i do will bring back you

that's all i need or all i care about
but now i know it wont be nothing i see
i've awaken from many dreams
none of them brought you back to me

i've tried to pretend i'm ok
pretend nothing is wrong
but i don't want to smile
never wanted to all along

you were cheated
nothing hurts a mommy more
than watching her babies hurt
what was all of that for

they say there's more to live for
but do they know it doesn't matter now
when i don't have you in my arms
i have to make them see somehow

i don't choose this pain
i can't fix it or stop it
all i can do is wear my fake smile
and hide from it

i hold your picture right now
i hope drew is holding you
there will never be comfort
until i again am holding you