guilt of a mommy who deserves death

guilt of a mommy who deserves death

mommy is trying to think of words to write
but the words today just wont come
drowning in alcohol and sleeping pills
my fingers are have grown numb

i wish i could say the same
for my beating heart inside
because all day i looked at your picture
drank some more and cried

it finally hit me today
no more denial left to run
you will not ever be in my arms
your sainthood on earth is done

i thought the pouring would help
take all the pain from your death away
all it did was take away my senses
and the denial of your loss away

i know its not helping
but i can't take it away from my lip
the more i drink the more i forget
i'll never feel you in my grip

im really mad right now
mommy trusted them too much
they've went on with their lives
i'm still longing for your touch

my thoughts are scattered
i know you can tell by my word tyty
but mommy is hurting so bad right now
i dont see a reason for you to die

i think on the last weeks
i was so tired and ready to give in
i said it right in front of you
is that why you went to heaven

baby i'm sorry
i never gave up on you
mommy was scared and tired
i wanted better for you

i tried to make us a family
for one last time
the doctors wouldnt let you go home
theres no word here to rhyme

i'm sorry tyty
im trying to get to you
people keep saving me
i deserve to be where you are too