Sleeping To See You/Aching For Tyler

Sleeping To See You

I fell asleep today
in hopes you would appear
I know it's a set up for heartache
but I have to feel you near

I can see you in your crib
laughing with a gleam in your eye
you reach out your hand for me
you want to tell that crib goodbye

I walk over to you
hold you up to my chest
a noise startles me
"let your mommy rest"

My eyes drift away again
you are still there
laying under my chin
ready for your morning care

I walk you down the stairs
get the heprin and saline ready
time to clean the c-line
Now TyTy you hold steady

You twist and turn
grab toys and play peek-a-boo
I get your medicine ready
one quick "TyTy I see you"

Steroids are in and you're flushed
time for the oral meds and you cry
maybe in this dream I'll skip them
I think that is something we can sneak by

I hand you your bottle
and we spend hours in the chair
my aching heart actually feels
like you are really in my stare

You fuss a little
it is time for your morning nap
I'll lay you down because you resist sleep
when you lay in momma's lap

I lay you back in your crib
you stare at me until both our eyes drift away
my heart feels warm and full again
maybe this took the heartache away

"Mom Dylan took my playstation game
and he turned his music volume on."
I look over to your crib and my heart aches
Tyler, it hasn't been a nightmare, you are really gone


Aching For Tyler

I can still see your eyes
dancing around the room
keeping an eye on everyone
even during your pained days of gloom

I can still hear your laugh
your sneaky giggle we all did adore
your brothers would have you laughing so hard
no sound could be heard from you anymore

I can still hear you so clear
call for dada and make him stir
nothing made you happier
then when we were all together

I can see your arms reach up
you know mommy's grip means no harm
momma aches as she tries so hard Tyler
but I can't feel you in my arm

I see a baby reach for their mommy
and I think that should be you reaching for me
a part of my heart dies
I ache for just the memory