I Dont want to take the first step/Tears on weak knees

I Don't Want To Take The First Step

Life is moving on sweet TyTy
most are frustrated with your daddy and me
we don't want to leave the isolated shelter
the one place that holds all your memory

The first step is holding us back
it's too hard to take without you
shopping is a must for your brothers
it is still something I can't do

I can see all the other two year olds
running behind their mom and dad
and my heart can't take the pain
when I know that's what you should of had

We try to go out to eat
it reminds me of the damn Gvh stain
all those months you smiled
while you were in such horrible pain

We tried to craft shop for your bed place today
and before I know it, the reality hits me
I'm not planning a birthday event
I'm trying to beautify your memory

I try to take the steps
not for me but the family
but the reminders are crushing
you're not here with me

I find myself in a room alone
I don't even want to get out of bed
but the time spent thinking on regrets
clutters my tired head

Emails deserve to be replied to
those who care enough to keep us in their thought
but my head wont sit still long enough
for the words of thanks to be brought

They say you are in no pain anymore
you are in a much better place
I try to use that as comfort TyTy, I promise
but I still want to have you face to face

So much needs to be done
life has went on and I can't move on too
I want to lay in bed all day TyTy
and just remember every bit of you

I try to imagine holding you
you looking up at me with your smile
a smile blares on my face
but then leaves after a short while

Life is moving on
there is still things to do
I can't keep up
and I don't want to without you




Tears On Weak Knees

Standing over you
the tear and heartache flows
they say time heals
but for me it only grows

I arrange the flowers
make sure its nice and neat
lay yellow roses at the top
and a baby boy angel at your feet

Switch your toys around
this week we brought your monkey
added a cross with your favorite lullaby
as I placed myself on bended knee

I always try to smile before you
just like you did for us in life's glow
but mommy couldn't stop the tears today
I'm sorry and I hope this you do know

I can see your face on the stone
but your lifeless shell lay underground
it's something that rips my heart out
and for that peace hasn't been found

I want to reach into your bed
hold you so damn tight
keep your skin warm and loved
instead of leaving you alone all night

My tears dropped one by one
mixed with the chilled dirt
I tried to be strong for you TyTy
but I couldn't cover up my hurt

I look to the sky
I don't know who I'm talking to
trying to make a bargain
so I can somehow get back to you

Even on bended knee
I couldn't hold myself in place
my body gave in and covered you
at the thought of your smiling face

Please bring my baby back
you can take me instead
he hadn't lived his life yet
there were no sins to be said

Please whoever is listening
whoever has the control of mortality
there has to be some way to give him life
bring my baby boy back to me

Fist in the cold and wet dirt
my heart lay beating over you
my soul cracked and bleeding
deprived of the beautiful spirit of you

A shaking hand on my back
daddy has come to see you too
both feeling the need to talk you
so desperate in our search to feel you

Curled in front of you TyTy
we huddle in the biting breeze
tears soaking into our neck
both broken at our weakened knees

We're sorry TyTy
momma and Dada couldn't stand tall
you deserve the beautiful life and spirit
that you in life gave to all

Please forgive us for we did you wrong
we were selfish in our saddened tear
no matter the comfort we force in our head
we just want your beautiful life to still be here