You're Really Gone TyTy

All you ever wanted. Blanket, bottle, and your brothers. We miss you so much TyTy
It was usually the right leg, but you would always want to lay in my lap like this. My leg up and crossed, and your head on my knee, and you would rest there in your mommy made bed.
You were my sunshine TyTy. You made me smile. Even through tears you still do. Minutes after you were born. You had curved shins like your daddy. Beautiful TyTy
I cried tears of happiness that night, now I cry tears of longing to hold you like I did that night.
We worked so hard to get you here. I could never say in words how good it felt to finally hold you TyTy.
You look so precious here. Your favorite yellow receiving blanket with you. Always a blanket baby.
Daddy holding you for the first time. He was so happy that night TyTy.

TyTy's first Xmas outfit. Cutest little reindeer baby ever.
Your first Halloween. Only two weeks old and already a sweet little M&M


You're Really Gone TyTy

You're tugging at my heart TyTy
my nights are sleepless again
I think about all the choices we made
all the places you had never been

I stare at your picture for hours
let the tears form down below
Sob out loud for an answer
why wouldn't heaven let you grow

Emotions are all over
My anger and sadness combine
The mommy in me can't understand
why you aren't in these arms of mine

It never really hits TyTy
the slap of reality
until I see your eyes in pictures
staring back at me

I know that's all I will have
you'll never change from that one pose
watching you fight for two years
is all this mommy's heart knows

I look so deep into that picture
tears fall from the close of my eye
I try to to imagine holding you again
but all I feel is my endless cry

GvH stole your skin
I wish I could feel your rough feet now
I wish I could pinch those steroid cheeks
I wish I could see your red skin now

Your stomach was ridden with bad cells
I wish I could rub your tummy
I wish I could feel your hands around my finger
while you looked up at me

I wish I could hear you laugh
oh TyTy it was pure joy
You had this evil little giggle
you were so cute my sweet boy

I wish I could rub your head
watch you fall asleep in my lap
now when I cross my legs for your mommy made bed
there's no you to lay, just a huge gap

I look at your gorgeous picture
and I think what is the world coming to
when this life we all live can take
a precious little boy like you

Sometimes I walk through the house
trick myself into thinking I'm okay
but then more than a second of staring into frame
and I know mommy's heart is melting away

You're really gone TyTy
no more holding you
you don't need me as a mommy
someone else is holding you

You feel better and safe
but it's not with me
Though I'm glad you are healed now
it hurts that its not with me

Mommy knows now
you are never coming back to me
it hurts so bad to admit it
I'm not happy with just your memory

I know my arms are empty forever
you will never walk in our door
there'll be no more TyTy giggles
I wont need to comfort you anymore

I love you TyTy and if I had my choice
you would be healthy and still here
but now it is time to accept what heaven did
and hold only your spirit near

Make sure you tell them angels how it is
your green and white blanket needs to be weaved in your finger
tell them you need your bottle in your other hand
and your other purple blanket near

Let them know they need to cross their leg
you like the right leg to be your pillow
your little rough feet will dangle at their ankle
make sure you let them know

You tell them angels TyTy
that mommy says to take care of you
it hurts mommy so much to say this
but now it's their job to comfort you