Momma's Tug Of War

These picture make me laugh. I snapped the picture as you went to bop Brandon, and then you turned around and bopped Dylan. lol You were tickled with yourself, which the pictures show. I normally wouldn't like you hitting your brothers, but you were such a stinker, and we just loved seeing you be a normal boy showing Dylan and Brandon you could hold your own. You wanted the camera to yourself that day. lol
It's baby Shrek! lol
You would always sit on the desk while momma wrote. You would smash your face against all the cd cases. I would laugh, and it would make you do it more. I wish people could of seen how spunky you were. I miss you TyTy
Could you be any more precious? TyTy, the longing to hold you hurts.
You would always stick your med syringes in your mouth to get us to laugh. Look at all that medical stuff. The living room is so empty now TyTy. The air is empty without your laugh, and without you making us laugh.
Your first taste of watermelon. Even now I laugh at the face you made when you tasted it. lol
Posing for Momma. You had such a beautiful smile TyTy. In picture, or true to life, Your eyes capture me every time I look at them.
That is one sneaky grin! Your tongue always hanging out... Just like daddy and your brothers. I love this picture. It symbolizes all you were.
Look at this goofy smile you have on your face. We miss you so much TyTy
When you sat in this seat, you were only humoring us. You didn't see the point in the doorway swing.
You couldn't wait for your chocolate bunny. The stuffed one had to do.
Standing by yourself with your walking toy. I wish they could of seen just how much you could do.


Momma's Tug Of War

Times are a changing
as I lay in my bed
nothing has changed for me
your loss still fills my head

Anger fills me full
I find myself punching my pillow
I yearn to go back in time
change decisions so I could watch you grow

The hole you left is huge
we all have fallen in
we have no strength to crawl out
it's scary to leave the life you were once in

Time is passing
we still walk in the loss of you
They say time makes it easier
I'm finding that isn't true

The more the days pass
the longer they drag on
more pain floods our hearts
the harder it is to face you are gone

We stare into pictures
your face is precious and sweet
tears flood four faces
we kneel down to grief's defeat

I lay here in bed
the rain falls as your cry
I try to push the past away
another pain filled hour passes by

Your brother comes to me in the dark
startles me at the early hour of five
"Mom, I had a dream you were holding Tyler,
Mom, he was alive."

He lays his head on my chest
he cries your name until seven
and then he ask, "You know who is selfish mom?"
Heaven

"Heaven took Tyler
it took your smile too
Heaven expects us to live without TyTy
I don't know if it is something we can do."

I want to be a good mommy
tell him all the words that are right
but the same pain the brings him to me
is the same pain that has filled my night

I think back on your spirit TyTy
the life that filled your eye
You were our Hercules
now we've crumbled with your goodbye

Daily trips to your stone
don't fulfill the need for your love
the words of comfort fail
there's no comfort in "He's safe above."

I long to hold you in my arm
I guess I am selfish too
God and I had a tug-of-war
heaven won the right to hold you