TyTy's Spirit Makes Five

TyTy's Spirit Makes Five

We're broken TyTy
together or apart we were always whole
now we wander aimlessly
all filled with one huge hole

Daddy dives into work all day
Dylan only hears video game call
Brandon gets angry and lost
Mommy really does nothing at all

You were our reason
to get up and fight for breath
We could all sail away in I don't care
since your way too soon death

We walk together as four now
the fifth is our heavy heart
The weighted pain is evident
now that we are torn apart

When we are together now as four
Do you look down and wish you were here?
Are you trying to get us to see you?
Do you feel left out TyTy? My greatest fear

Do you wonder how we can still walk
without you in our loving arm fold
Are all the raindrops falling your tears
because you can see we have no you to hold

Do you look down on us together
and think that time has passed we don't mind
Are you asking us to wait up for you
because you have fallen behind

Sometimes as I try to walk outside
I can hear your voice sweet and low
Mommy you're walking too fast
mommy please don't go

Can't you see me mommy?
Pick me up - make me giggle and smile
I'm right here Dylan and Brandon- run to me
Daddy will you play for awhile?

Are you running behind us
skipping like you never got to
Wait up you guys my legs are short
I can't keep up with you

When we sit in front of the TV
do you plop on our lap like you used to?
Do you look at our sad faces
and think it's because we don't feel you?

I've lost my faith in god and heaven
I'm sure you know that too
but I've found myself believing in angels
because I believe in the spirit of you

We're never complete
a simple car ride that only has four
A trip to the movies only four ticket
it's not three happy meals anymore

A cook out has one less seat
holidays are never quite the same
A swim doesn't require floaties for you
When people list us now it is without your name

Do you think we got used
to walking without you
Are you scared you can't be seen
and we will walk on forgetting you

For every step we take
four tears are dropped too
We physically walk as four
four hearts carry the heavy spirit of you

Happy Easter TyTy

You were the cutest little bunny ever. With tears on our cheeks we miss you. We love you and miss you. Happy Easter TyTy Love Daddy, Mommy, Dylan, and Brandon.
One of mommy's favorite pictures. Silly bunnies
The sunglasses you got in your Easter basket last year. The boys constantly thinking of you Tyler. Everything always goes back to you TyTy.
Nammy gave you her Easter stuff when you got home. The yearly bunny glasses. It'll never be the same again TyTy.
Mommy was sick last Easter so we had to settle for a phone call, and hear it is. You talking to mommy on Easter. TyTy I miss you so much baby. So much.
Looking through all your Easter stuff. I always got you baseball stuff.
Mommy went nuts with Easter last year. Now I'm glad I did. I didn't get to see you but you looked like you liked it. Daddy said you did. I hope you did TyTy
Your second Easter. You spent all your easters in the hospital. We made the best of it.

Just a picture of you being you. Cute and adorable and fun. You making everyone laugh.


Our first holiday without you. There will only be two baskets on the living room floor this Sunday morning.
If you were here I would of bought you a toy lawn mower. To help you get your leg strength back. We would let you use it as a walker. Of course you would get new sunglasses like last year. You still got an Easter basket. It is a blue basket with Tonka trucks on it. We put flowers, your favorite colors blue and yellow, plastic eggs, and a chihuahua dog (like the real one we got for your brothers) with bunny ears on it. We put it on your resting place. We hope you like it. Easter wont be the same without you TyTy. We all miss you so much. Happy Easter TyTy. We love and miss you so much punkin. So much baby.

Dada's Little Boy

Dada's Little Boy

Dada can't rhyme TyTy
he tried once for me
so take my loving advice
and let him talk through me

Sometimes I will listen to him
let some of his first tears be shed on me
I take in everything he says
so writing this for him will be easy

Dada has been in pieces
since the day you floated away
He keeps up with the daily schedule
hoping he can forget the pain each day

Dada makes a lot of toys and flowers
to set on your resting place TyTy
I hear your dada's heart break everyday
when he looks up above and ask why

Dada is doing great keeping your memory alive
he's made decals for all our car window
We each have necklaces with your picture
so we can see you even when our heads hang low

Dada visits you every day
before he heads off to his work day
he says it's his time to talk to you
it helps him get through his day

It isn't all bad anymore TyTy
though hospital memories still sneak in
but it's been easier for us to realize
that your steps have traveled further than where you'd been

Dada holds so many memories
he says it's hard to think of one
but the one thing you two always did
was goof around and have fun

Whether it was a race to pull a toy gun
or who could forget diaper peek-a-boo
Dada would do just about anything
to get a laugh out of you

Dada says he can still hear your laugh
when he would kiss your belly
you had such a sneaky little giggle
it would make everyone around happy

Dada says nothing made him feel warmer
than when the word Dada came from your lip
Dada says he never felt more complete
than when you were in his own grip

There are so many things he misses about you
you were what got him through his day
He knew when he walked through the door
your excited arms would be flapping away

He said the last miles home would bring him a smile
he knew soon you would be in his eye
You were always happy to see him
and he would walk in yelling for you TyTy

You would smile and wave your arms
You would say Dada over and over again
Dada would instantly breathe in your smile
forgetting the hectic day he was in

He would sweep you up in his arms
your smile would light up the whole room
Dada loves that you held that spirit
through all the hospital gloom

Now it breaks his heart to leave work
and know what he is going home to
a house full of sadness
a house without you

This structure used to be a home
but now it's just where we stay
this place is just a house now
without you here to fill our day

Everything is a reminder
we lost your precious soul
everything reminds him
he'll never again feel whole

Dada had something special with you
he feels you are the only thing he did right
he fought for you each and every day
and held you so close at night

Dada feels he never took the time with you for granted
sometimes it is easy for daddy's to do
but after two previous tries
he feels he had it right with you

Dada strived to do right by you
but he says you made it easy
he never wanted anything more
than to just be your daddy

Sometimes it's too hard to speak
from someone else's heart TyTy
so let me say his exact words
as the tears are clouding his eye

My heart finally understood TyTy
daddy is the most important role to play
Thank you so much TyTy
for helping Dada find his way

It was easy to be your Dada TyTy
you made me want to be all you were
You made me want to give you the same courage
that you displayed through all you did endure

You were the image of strength
we all wish we could one day be
You helped me learn so much TyTy
thank you for showing me

Dada holds a special place
for the little heart that did beat in you
You taught me how to be the daddy I am
because I wanted so bad to be a good Dada for you

A Mommy's Real Pain

A Mommy's Real Pain

Just when I think
my heart could again beat
I sit here crying on your picture
in complete defeat

I knew rough days would still come
but I'm never prepared
why can't your light still burn
why couldn't you be spared

You fought so hard TyTy
it's more than the hurt in me
didn't your fight deserve
to let you live healthy?

I tried to tell myself
that heart repair would begin
one look at your eyes TyTy
I knew denial is where I've been

You had the most beautiful eyes TyTy
they would light up for many mile
and no heart could resist the love felt
when you added them with your smile

The hurt is crippling
my mind is fried
my heart is broken
eyes weak from tears cried

My arms are so empty
my eyes are too
I'd give anything
to see the sight of you

Today as I washed dishes
I thought about how old you would be
I should be looking down to see a little TyTy
pulling on my pants trying to get me

I looked down today
to an empty wood floor
there will never be little TyTy
holding his cup up wanting more

There'll never be a third birthday
I'll never hear you say I love you
I'll never see you get on a school bus
or teach you to tie your shoe

I'll never feel your arms
wrap around me for a hug so tight
I'll never have to hold you
because of a bad dream at night

There'll never be a little TyTy
running around for me to chase
no scolding you for throwing a ball
that knocked down my favorite vase

Every mommy should get these memories
they shouldn't be taken so soon TyTy
mommies shouldn't feel the emptiness
that bring their endless cry

Mommies shouldn't be left to grieve
left to suffer the hurt that wont die
wonder what their children could of been
had they not been forced to say goodbye

Mommies shouldn't suffer
the greatest hurt of all
knowing their child was special enough to conquer the world
but didn't get the chance because heaven made it's call


TyTy I miss you so much baby. So much words can't even express. Mommy misses you baby. i miss you

Will You Walk With Me TyTy?

Will You Walk With Me TyTy?

Hi TyTy it's momma
Just want to talk to you
Alot of things have happened
I feel I need to catch up with you

If you are looking down on us
you've seen we've been out more each day
I hope you know it doesn't mean we miss you less
and the pain hasn't went away

Every day is different
one day we want to keep busy
the next we want to cry
because it just seems to be easy

One day we wake up
and we see you in the sun
others we wake up in pain
because you should see the sun too little one

Some days we think we did all we could
other days the guilt takes us away
Sometimes we are in different places
and anger towards each other fills the day

Some days we find enough time
to feel it all in one rollercoaster day
we try to remember only we feel the pain
because yours was taken away

Sometimes it helps us to think that way
it hurts to think of all your pain in your time here
I guess we were selfish in hoping
you could be painless but still be here

Ruth and Nicole came to see us
they got to see where you used to play
They haven't forgot you TyTy
your memory will never go away

We laughed and cried
looked through pictures of you
talked about the good times
and the sad ones too

I can't tell you how good it felt
to see them walk in the doorway
it was like seeing family after so long
we lost alot of family as well that day

I never thought I would miss that place
we never knew we would miss all that we do
I always thought we would say so long to the skywalk
as we walked out holding a healthy strong you

I tell you TyTy-before that day
people forgetting you was my worst fear
now I see I never have to worry again
they have you in their heart no matter passing year

They got to see where we did your CVN
they seen the toaster you would always fill
we showed them the laps you made in the living room
told them how you never could sit still

Dylan was heartbroken he missed them
he actually cried tears TyTy
I guess he has more of an attachment than he thinks
I'll never forget seeing him tell Nicole good-bye

It was hard to see them go
they will always be in our hearts each day through
my heart firmly believes TyTy
you will always be in theirs too

Momma actually got out of the house
I went to your Grandma's one Sunday
I went to a party for a little while
Danced with Joe before I snuck away

I went into a store to get groceries
the first time since you floated away
I do remember why I leave your brothers at home now
learned that old lesson right away

I walked to your resting place
sit my bottom down before your stone
the first time I could bring myself
to walk in public alone

I talked to you and I'm sorry
you looked down at me cry
sometimes that picture on the stone
isn't enough to fill my longing eye

The sun was shining down on me
I asked if you were smiling up there
the strangest thing happened
that normally would of given me a scare

Momma is scared of birds
I get made fun of but it's true
but soon after I asked about your smile
I think I got my answer from you

A little bird flew down low
sat right next to me
Momma wasn't scared this time
it sat there quietly

That little birdie never left
until I stood to say good-bye
I took it as your sign
that your smile was the sun in my eye

Alot has happened TyTy
and you never left our heart
we shed many tears still
and we always will because we are apart

I want to make sure you know TyTy
that these steps don't pack you away
every step I have taken
I've held you in my heart along the way

I know there will be days
I still don't want to get out of bed
when your loss is too much
and guilt wont leave my head

Wherever my day takes my heart and spirit
and when you look down on me
know you are with me always
no matter where the grief has taken me

I'm not taking steps away from you
I hope you are taking them with me
any steps I take from here on out TyTy
I take with my heart full of your memory

Momma wanted to make sure you knew this
if I had the choice I would bring you back to me
but I've learned a big lesson TyTy
I can't control everything even if I am a mommy

I will try to take my steps
will you walk with me TyTy?
Smile when I can bring myself to smile?
use your angel wings to wipe my cry?

When I take a step forward- I will carry you
a step back and I'm holding you tight
when I'm stuck in one place I'm rocking you
no matter what- when I lay my head I dream of you at night