It was only a dream

Last night I looked over at my night stand ... it was you. You were a little taller than the night stand and you were playing with my Strawberry lotion and my candles. I looked again and you said Hi Mommy. You had blond hair and it was floppy just like my brother's eight is enough hair when he was younger. You looked like a young dennis the menace lol you were so cute. You were the age you should be right now. I was half asleep I looked twice you were there I looked again and you were gone. I must of drifted the rest the way off to sleep and then I had a dream about you. You were a baby and me and Dylan, and Brandon rode a bike of all things to Iowa City to see you. We were gonna get to take you home. Ruth was waiting in the lobby to take us up so we could take you home. We talked with Ruth in the main lobby for awhile and then we headed up and then I seen you and you were six you said Hi mommy and I looked over at my night stand and you were there again. I must of woke up and it was like a movie I was convinced I just had a nightmare you had died and when I woke up I would come downstairs and you would be in your room. I ran downstairs and opened what used to be your room and Brandon's red and blue walls hit me right in the face. I just down and cried. You were really gone. :((

TyTy it hurts so bad this year. So bad. I miss you and your rough feet. Your laugh your smile. Looking at your huge eyes look at all of us as we talked as if you could understand every single thing we said by your reactions. This year is tough TyTy. It's been four years and although I function better when I feel like this it still hurts so bad I don't feel like I can get the will to go through the next few days. I don't know how without crying every minute of the next two days.

I want you to be with me tomorrow.:(( I don't want the memory of you on my last birthday to be deciding to put you on the vent just to see if there was any last thing we could do before we let you go.

I know you're with me in my heart but I guess I'm selfish because I want you in my eye too.

Tyler I miss you so much. I love you so much.

You must be with me really strong right now. I would hold onto you as best as I can but I just wish you were here. The hole is huge right now.

No momma should ever feel this and it makes me sad so many of us do...

I love you TyTy. I miss you:((

I thought you were here... I could see you so clear.