Happy Birthday TyTy

The words aren't coming this year. Thank you everyone for flowers, cards, emails, and thoughts towards our way. To the people who came to support us and left his stone looking so beautiful and full we thank you. To our families thank you for holding strong for us year after year as we fight through a life of grief. No matter how much time passes this day is so hard. I miss you so much. Five years old. I miss you TyTy. I love you my little punkin.

To my littlest angel.

Every year I wonder what you would of asked for, what you would of liked, what kind of cake you would want, or what favorite meal you would ask me to cook. I held steady through most of yesterday but I found myself trapped in a dream in Iowa City last night. It brought everything back and I cried missing you so much. Trying to remember what it felt like to hold you. The pain is always the same if you let yourself go back. If you can keep the mask on you do ok but when you take it off and think about everything you went through and the pain of the loss, the pain is still the same.

I thought there was something wrong with me yesterday because I couldn't cry or didn't cry. You get used to walking around with the mask on or you can't survive. You're still in there no matter how scared I was that I might of lost your memory somewhere, you're still there. I miss you so much TyTy.

Watch over us as we are heading into hard times as a family. We're trying with all our might to hold on so watch over us as we struggle to keep going.

I love you sweet angel TyTy.