Sometimes...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I sit on the porch
imagine you playing in the yard
but then my heart starts to cry
and it's just too hard

Sometimes I remember the talk
with the mommy who not only lost one but two
the pain falls all around me
and then I cry for myself and I cry for her too

Sometimes I walk through a store
and a little boy will walk beside me
he doesn't have your hair or your smile
but you're still all I can see

Sometimes I walk into a restaurant
I can hear the sound of Tyler being said
my heart drops and so do my tears
as only thoughts of you fill my head

Sometimes I hear a mommy talk
about how she stayed up all night with her baby
and I think about so many nights we were apart
you were in a hospital and my arms were empty

Sometimes I see a daddy
carrying his baby of two on his shoulder
and all I can see is you and daddy
even though I know you would be older

Sometimes I see a little boy
proud of his little baby brother
and my heart hurts for them
because they will never have another

Sometimes I walk down the street
and your face is on every little boy I see
and I see his little hand being held
and I wish the one holding it was me

Sometimes I lay awake at night
I can see you crying out from your hospital bed
I'm so tired and overwhelmed
I can't think about what I said

Sometimes my dreams are filled with you
the pain follows me in a dead sleep
all the pretending in the world
doesn't stop this kind of weep

Sometimes I wash the dishes
and I turn around to where you would be
I try to smile at the good times
but the pain you felt fills through me

Sometimes I sit at the table
and now the chairs are only four
I suffocate with the dirt they threw over you
as I realize we don't need five anymore

Sometimes I go to family dinners
I see three to every family sitting by
I look at our family with a huge hole
and I feel the same pain I did the day I watched you die

Sometimes I look down at my lap
and I see your lips and toes are blue
and I wish with shame
that just one time I didn't see you

Sometimes I hear Twinkle Little Star
and I wish that damn song would go away
With every syllable sung your heart beats slower
until you slip away

Sometimes I see you in every baby section
though you now would almost be four
the same sadness that filled me that day
follows me until I walk out the door

Sometimes I spend my days
running away from every thought
but then I see your face on every child
and my heart gets caught

Sometimes I feel guilty
every single minute spent ashamed and unsure
because all I want to scream from the top of my lungs
is I don't want to remember

Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like
if pain wouldn't bring us to our knees
We would have the time to feel the good
we would all be okay without memories

Thank you TyTy. I love you punkin butt