GvH Didn't Win, TyTy's Spirit Did

Wearing your Children of Iowa Hospitals Champion shirt. Your sneaky grin that most never got to see. You look so adorable in this picture. We miss you TyTy. We miss you so much.
*tears* This picture makes me miss you so much. The happiness you put in this house. This picture reminds me of all you were and all you brought to everyone around you. Look at you precious baby. Beautiful.
You were so perfect in our eyes Tyler that sometimes I wonder if heaven just loaned you to us.

Look at that sneaky grin. TyTy you would of kept me on my toes. I know it. This was three days after a gall bladder surgery. I hope you knew how proud we were of you and your strength and spirit.
Happy on dada's lap. This picture makes me want to just grab you out of this picture and snuggle you. I miss you so much TyTy
You are so precious TyTy. Skin is red and looks so painful but you are smiling so bright. I admire you TyTy.
Smiling in your cute Thomas the Train outfit. You loved Thomas the train. We still haven't opened or touched the Thomas train set you got for Christmas.
Helping daddy find somewhere to eat. Smiling again.
Opening the present Drew got you. You liked the paper more than the tiger. Once again a smile.
Look at this sneaky little grin. I love it!!
Got your blankets, your bottle, and your smile. That's our TyTy
This wasn't too long before you died. Still a huge smile on your face.
You loved the wagon on the BMW. You were sick and not feeling good but again you are still smiling.
You loved Gizmo. I see a gizmo doll and I think of you. Such a precious smile in this picture. You were just so beautiful TyTy. Despite GvH, you were simply beautiful.
You always fell asleep with your blanket and your bottle. One leg would always be up in the air or thumping on the bed. Ruth used to call you a bed slapper. We always got a laugh from that.
You loved this swing. Your smile so huge.

GvH Didn't Win, TyTy's Spirit Did

I just wanted to see you smile today
I can't walk into your room to see you
so I have to settle with the picture album
that now is our only way to see you

I look through the numerous pictures
every picture is our typical day
you sitting on daddy's lap
while momma snaps away

You smiled so much
it was easy to capture your every smile
Now I hope I stopped shooting long enough
to take in your happiness for awhile

Look at you in every pose
laughing and smiling despite your pain
you would never know by your smile
that GvH would leave it's permanent stain

Your personality was beyond words
it's never more apparent than now as I stare
the spirit you held in your body
to none of us on earth can compare

I look at pictures now TyTy
I see red blotches rid your skin
puffy cheeks overtake your little nose
your stomach had to be pained within

I see your eyes yellow and small
Your skin slowly turned too
your weight was falling off
bruises covered the skin of you

I see your legs small like a baby
even though you were over two
I see rough and chipped skin feet
that had to just bother you

I look at pictures now
your hair thin and would slowly disappear
dry skin sorely covering your face
but your expression showed no fear

I look at the pictures
I see a sick little boy TyTy
but when you were here
that's not what was in my eye

I don't remember seeing you this way
I remember feeling your warm cuddle next to me
I seen a smile from ear to ear
a little boy courageous and happy

I seen a cute little nose
that I would always kiss
I see the chubby cheeks
that now I so lovingly miss

I seen skin that I would lotion
just to keep you soft and smelling sweet
I remember spending hours rubbing
the little grooves in your feet

I see a chubby little baby
who laughed to wiggle his belly
I seen two big beautiful eyes
looking straight back at me

I seen a sweet precious boy
who was made to fight every day
I seen a little boy who didn't let GvH
take his spirit away

I look through pictures now
my thoughts of you mix with the picture
I didn't know how sick you looked
the reality of all you had to endure

I never seen you as just sick
I could never snuggle you enough
I felt beauty in every embrace
whether your skin was soft or rough

I look through pictures now
the illness is evident TyTy
but how I seen you in life
wasn't apparent to the naked eye

I seen in you what was inside
a heart full of love, strength, and purity
GvH left it's stain to the naked eye
but it didn't take over the heart of my baby

Love, TyTy

Love TyTy

Why are you crying momma and dada?
I'm finally floating on air.
Last night I touched a star,
I even felt the breeze in my hair.

Why are you sad momma and dada?
I sit up and my tummy has no pain.
I've bounced on all the puffy clouds,
I'm sorry for all the rain.

Why aren't you smiling momma and dada?
I took my first step, one day you'll see.
My legs don't hurt anymore,
the angels can't keep up with me.

Momma and dada please don't be sad,
I'm rolling in the grass and flowers too.
Don't cry your tears momma and dada.
I'm finally doing the things you wanted me to be able to.

You're Really Gone TyTy

All you ever wanted. Blanket, bottle, and your brothers. We miss you so much TyTy
It was usually the right leg, but you would always want to lay in my lap like this. My leg up and crossed, and your head on my knee, and you would rest there in your mommy made bed.
You were my sunshine TyTy. You made me smile. Even through tears you still do. Minutes after you were born. You had curved shins like your daddy. Beautiful TyTy
I cried tears of happiness that night, now I cry tears of longing to hold you like I did that night.
We worked so hard to get you here. I could never say in words how good it felt to finally hold you TyTy.
You look so precious here. Your favorite yellow receiving blanket with you. Always a blanket baby.
Daddy holding you for the first time. He was so happy that night TyTy.

TyTy's first Xmas outfit. Cutest little reindeer baby ever.
Your first Halloween. Only two weeks old and already a sweet little M&M


You're Really Gone TyTy

You're tugging at my heart TyTy
my nights are sleepless again
I think about all the choices we made
all the places you had never been

I stare at your picture for hours
let the tears form down below
Sob out loud for an answer
why wouldn't heaven let you grow

Emotions are all over
My anger and sadness combine
The mommy in me can't understand
why you aren't in these arms of mine

It never really hits TyTy
the slap of reality
until I see your eyes in pictures
staring back at me

I know that's all I will have
you'll never change from that one pose
watching you fight for two years
is all this mommy's heart knows

I look so deep into that picture
tears fall from the close of my eye
I try to to imagine holding you again
but all I feel is my endless cry

GvH stole your skin
I wish I could feel your rough feet now
I wish I could pinch those steroid cheeks
I wish I could see your red skin now

Your stomach was ridden with bad cells
I wish I could rub your tummy
I wish I could feel your hands around my finger
while you looked up at me

I wish I could hear you laugh
oh TyTy it was pure joy
You had this evil little giggle
you were so cute my sweet boy

I wish I could rub your head
watch you fall asleep in my lap
now when I cross my legs for your mommy made bed
there's no you to lay, just a huge gap

I look at your gorgeous picture
and I think what is the world coming to
when this life we all live can take
a precious little boy like you

Sometimes I walk through the house
trick myself into thinking I'm okay
but then more than a second of staring into frame
and I know mommy's heart is melting away

You're really gone TyTy
no more holding you
you don't need me as a mommy
someone else is holding you

You feel better and safe
but it's not with me
Though I'm glad you are healed now
it hurts that its not with me

Mommy knows now
you are never coming back to me
it hurts so bad to admit it
I'm not happy with just your memory

I know my arms are empty forever
you will never walk in our door
there'll be no more TyTy giggles
I wont need to comfort you anymore

I love you TyTy and if I had my choice
you would be healthy and still here
but now it is time to accept what heaven did
and hold only your spirit near

Make sure you tell them angels how it is
your green and white blanket needs to be weaved in your finger
tell them you need your bottle in your other hand
and your other purple blanket near

Let them know they need to cross their leg
you like the right leg to be your pillow
your little rough feet will dangle at their ankle
make sure you let them know

You tell them angels TyTy
that mommy says to take care of you
it hurts mommy so much to say this
but now it's their job to comfort you