Five years without you

Your Walk To Heaven

It was quiet and still
tears dropped onto you
There was no time to wonder
how we would live without you

With your fingers around mine
Caressing your face in hopes of soothing
I prayed for a miracle
my hope was all that was moving

Your eyes stay closed and still
there was no pain that we could see or say
you already looked like an angel
even before you slipped away

Twinkle, twinkle little star
came from our mouths and through our tear
the moment of having to let you go
was growing more and more near

Small little breaths and then none
you fingers slowly let loose their hold
My baby's heart slowly gave way
and his little warm body went cold

We told you we loved you
and I still held you so damn tight
but I knew I was gonna have to leave
and my baby wouldn't go home with me that night

We sang to you some more
told you how proud we were of your fight
Two years we watched you battle
no bigger man had such might

Holding you for hours after
it was too damn hard to let go of you
but I knew the time was coming
and it would be the last time I would hold you

I wouldn't let you go
I screamed for them to let me keep you
I knew deep down I couldn't
it's all I knew to do.

I gathered myself to say goodbye
leave you in that hospital room alone
the pain was overwhelming
more pain than I've ever known

I walked out with my arms empty
my mind on permanent roam
I had to walk you to heaven
but turn around and come back home

Merry Christmas Ty Ty, Love and Miss You

Christmas with Me, Not Without

I can see you struggling right now mommy,
as you try to write a poem for me.
You tried to not let the tears come down,
but they started to fall too easy.

Mommy and Daddy the house looks empty this year,
not as filled as Christmas past.
I know it's been five Christmas's without me,
but this fresh loss feeling won't last.

Mommy and Daddy it's just a number,
I'm still with you like in years before.
My spirit is not gonna fade,
just because the years are more.

I've seen you trying hard to bring the spirit,
made cookies to get in the Christmas cheer.
I seen you stop and look out the window and drift away,
I could tell it's because I'm up here.

I've seen you play movies in the background,
as you went about your daily chore.
Nothing seems to help you forget mommy,
that I'm just not there to celebrate with you anymore.

I know you can't rub my feet,
or look in my eye when you sing twinkle, twinkle, little star,
but mommy and daddy I'm only a heartbeat away,
no matter where you are.

I seen you stand in the snow,
let it fall on your face.
I wanted to reach out and touch you,
as you stood smiling in place.

I know you like the Grinch,
but that's not who you were meant to be,
so this Christmas it's time to celebrate...
with me.

Put in the Grinch, eat cookies,
and don't you count calories.
Imagine me looking up at you,
as I slowly fall asleep to the vibration of your nervous knees.

I see you crying now mommy,
it's okay to let them fall, but spirit is here to find.
You can still feel it deep inside,
and it doesn't mean you have to leave me behind.

Make batches upon batches of cookies,
let Brandon eat the raw cookie dough.
Turn all the Christmas lights on,
turn off the lights, and just enjoy the glow.

Let Dylan's dodge ball games resume,
no matter how many times they knock down the tree.
Just picture a little boy running in and tackling them both,
that would be me...I'm ornery... just like you mommy.

Put on the Christmas music, just like you did before,
picture me sitting on the table, just like our last Christmas night.
See my smile as I knock together the wooden spoons,
this time without the blanket, well wait, not ready to give it up without a fight. *Giggle*

You need to wrap the presents mommy,
even though there's none to wrap for me.
Picture me sitting on the bed tearing up the paper,
as you smile at me for being so ornery.

Watch It's A Wonderful Life with Daddy,
a new tradition you've tried to keep.
And when you're tired because it's so long,
I'll lay in between you, as you two sleep.

Go out and make a snowman with Brandon,
he's lonely without a pestering little brother, that's me.
I know it's cold but take some breaks,
he needs you too mommy.

I know you're crying right now because you miss me,
I miss you guys so much too,
but I'm right here holding you,
I wish you could feel my arms around you.

Don't give up on Christmas yet mommy and daddy,
there's still a lot to hold onto each day.
That's the good thing about this place mommy,
no matter the time, my spirit will never go away.

It's Christmas time mommy and daddy,
though you can't see me with your eye,
but that doesn't mean I'm not here, seeing you cry,
because mommy and daddy my spirit is always inside.

Celebrate this Christmas with me, not without.
Bake cookies, watch movies, sing wacky Christmas song.
Be excited about everything you got my brothers,
and know me, your little angel, will be with you all along.

Mommy before I'm done, tell my brothers I love them,
and if I was there I would play with Brandon all day long.
Tell Dylan, well I know I would get on his nerves...
but I'm watching him drive, and to stay strong.

And Mommy tell Daddy he's okay,
I sit on pee paw's lap all day.
We watch a lot of movies together,
and we snore the day away.

Tell daddy his daddy is proud of him,
and he's with him every day too.
I'm teaching him the ropes, so not to worry,
tell him we both love him and we miss him too.

There is a lot of family up here,
I know this may be sad to say, but it is true.
They are gonna gather around me and Pee Paw,
just like your family on earth will do for you too.

Merry Christmas Mommy and Daddy,
my spirit is inside of you.
Christmas isn't lost, and neither am I,
my angel lights every star for you.